This quiz is quite simple. Check the answers that best apply to you. If you do not answer all 27 questions, you may get a rather strange result.

1. You were born ...

... on a beautiful hot day in spring.
... cursing and screaming.
... on a dark and stormy night.
... late, which likely caused brain damage.
... to two inhabitants of a dying world, who shot me off into space.
... to Pachelbel's Cannon in D.

2. If you could be any animal you would be ...

... something large & lethal.
... a sloth (possibly giant).
... a kangaroo with an attitude.
... something that could fly.
... a bunny rabbit with fangs and shoulder-mounted TOW missles.
... a koala (hey, they sleep 20 hours a day, and spend the rest of their time eating and procreating!)

3. How do you feel about the word "and" ?

It provides unity and strength to arguments, ideas, and meals.
I believe there's a perfectly good symbol that replaces it efficiently & elegantly.
I use it when I'm not paying attention, but normally it ends up looking like a squiggle instead of "and."
As long as it is written legibly I'm alright with it, though I do think the symbol is pretty also.
It gives me an excuse to say more than I need to.
I did not have sexual relations with that woman... wait, what was the question again?

4. The greatest invention ever is...

... the book.
... indoor plumbing.
... computer solitaire.
... pie.
... the Hammond rock organ.
... the hoverboard.

5. The worst invention ever is...

... money.
... gunpowder.
... the cellular phone.
... the snooze button.
... the teletubbies.
... Wednesday.

6. You are most afraid of ...

... big insects.
... large crowds of tall people.
... aliens.
... economists.
... Conservatives.
... Jedi Steve.

7. Your favourite internet pastime is...

... webcomics.
... coding.
... streaming.
... chatting.
... ranting.
... shopping.

8. Season of Choice:

Autumn.
Indian summer.
Sexy hot summer.
Spring.
Winter.

9. Pirate, Robot, Monster or Ninja?

Pirate.
Robot.
Monster.
Ninja.
Pirated Ninja Robot, esp. the giant kind.
That guy from Mortal Kombat.

10. Pencil, crayon, pencil crayon, computer, paint, pastel, woodcarving, markers, sculpting, other?

Pencil, then markers.
Pencil, then computer.
Invocation, then pencil.
Paint. Wait, is that the computer program paint or actual "ow, how did it get in my eye" paint?
Paint, in a spray can.
Interpretive Dance.

11. Favourite TV Show:

Arrested Development.
Family Guy / the A-Team.
Firefly.
Star Trek The Next Generation.
I don't watch T.V.

12. Favourite Band

Every Time I Die.
Radiohead.
Rage Against the Machine.
System of A Down.
The Arctic Monkeys.
The Squirell Nut Zippers.

13. Place to relax:

A comfy couch.
At home on the beach.
Basement lair.
On my bed, in my den
On a curb outside a variety store (dépanneur).
I don't relax. I just have breakdowns.

14. Preferred collectibles:

Ears of my prey.
Gods.
Lego Star Wars models.
Martial arts weapons.
Memories.
Viking statuettes.

15. Preferred utensil:

Teaspoon.
Potato masher.
Nutcracker.
Particle accelerator.
Spork.
Chopsticks.

16. If you were a cat, where would you want your litter box to be?

In a dark place, with the remains of my brothers & sisters. They will have revenge.
In Cuba.
In Nam, with my right leg.
I would want the world to be my litter box.
On your pillow.
ON THE MOON, BITCH!

17. Your favorite historical figure is ...

... Cardinal Richelieu.
... Napoleon.
... Nikola Tesla.
... Marcel Duchamp.
... Marie Curie
... Rabbi Yochanan bar Nafcha

18. If you could bring any food with you onto a deserted island, it would be ...

... Bacon pizza.
... Chicken Pho soup.
... Green olive and hot pepper pizza.
... Pad Thai noodles.
... Poutine
... Pumpkin pie.

19. Which of the following quotes most reflects your personality?

"By its very nature, every embodied spirit is doomed to suffer and enjoy in solitiude." (Aldous Huxley)
"Demons bother only those who bother them." (Sefer Hasidim)
"Everything will go as smoothly as greased lightning." (Dimitri)
"I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be." (Douglas Adams)
"Laughter is the best medicine" (Every Reader's Digest ever)
"Only the insane take themselves quite seriously" (Max Beerbohm)

20. Favourite book?

Apuleius' Metamorphoses.
The Foundation Trilogy, by Isaac Asimov.
The Lord of the Flies.
The Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy (a trilogy in 5 parts)
Grendel by John Gardner

21. Which is more likely to be on your computer desktop?

A picture of Tarja Turunen.
A compromise.
An artsy photograph of a beautiful gothic model.
Dust.
A Greg Simkins Illustration.
A D.E. desktop.

22. What is your least favourite song?

I'm sure I haven't heard it yet, though if I had to choose, it would be the Titanic song.
"Wishing and Hoping" by Dusty Springfield.
Any country western song.
Most Hip-Hop.
American idol style junk.
"You're My Best Friend" by Queen. I think it's the lamest song ever.

23. Favourite painter:

Pablo Picasso.
Paul Cezanne.
H. R. Giger.
Jeff Soto.
René Magritte.
Salvador Dali.

24. Musical idol:

Björk.
Bootsy Collins.
Danny Carey.
Glenn Gould.
Jimmy Page.
Whatsisname from Thatbandthatsreallygood.

25. Religious affiliation:

Christian (non-denominational).
Deist.
Goe.
Messianic Jewish Pagan, & Goe.
Physics.
Very Liberal Christian.

26. Preffered way to die:

Crucifixion.
Happily in my sleep after I've accomplished everything I want to.
In a majestic kung-fu battle at age one hundred.
Painlessly.
Quietly.
Surrounded by my friends and family at the age of 250.

27. What do you sing when in the shower?

Anything happy!
Barrett's Privateers.
Choir songs, DE songs, current favourites and things I make up on the spot.
My latest composition.
Showtunes.
The wrong words to every song ever.